Oren Garet Chambers

There is a line in a Martin Sexton song The Way I Am that describes the way I feel today.  I feel torn between feeling deep joy and amazing sadness.  I am dying.  I get closer to death with every breath.  Here are the lyrics:

You and me walked down the shores of our youth
Chasing the sunrise and challenging the truth
Its all so distant now I’ve seen too many lies
Turning my vision into crumbling demise
Makes me want to say
I don’t like the way I am
You see I don’t like the way I am

Here is why those words resonate with me:  In three months I turn 50 and yesterday my first grandchild was born.  I am happy that Oren Garet Chambers in born into this world and sad that I am so old that he would be born.
 
That sounds rather narcissistic.  And that is another reason those lyrics touch my withering soul, I truly don’t like the way I am.  I hate my narcissism.  Not enough to go to therapy mind you but I hate it anyway.  I am messed up.

I held that boy last night in my arms and tears came to my eyes.  That boy is carrying part of my DNA and my hopes that I have made a mark in the world.

I told my son Cole what my dad told me when he was born:  “Son, I am confident that you will be a better father than I was.”  Cole scoffed but I insisted.  “You will be a better father,” I said.  That is every father’s hope.  Taking the best of me and forgetting the worst.  That is our hope that the bloodline improves and the world gets a bit more tolerable.

Oren is my middle name.  I am honored that Cole and Ashley want to say that name so often. It is a jewish name that means “pine tree.”  That reminds me of the verse in Psalms 1,  “He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither’; and whatever he does shall prosper.”

Whether or not this narcisistc old man has born worthy fruit may or may not be true, but he does have a grandson who has a good father who has an opportunity to bear good fruit.  That is my prayer.

The rest of the verse of the song are what I am shooting for, if not for the world, then for Oren.

I’m gonna change the way I am
I’m gonna change the way I am
Right now
Hear me crying out loud

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Welcome to the world Oren.  May you ache for God more than the air for your lungs.  I don’t know you yet, but I love you.  I love you because I love your father.

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2 thoughts on “Oren Garet Chambers

  1. You can’t post stuff like this, you are making too many people cry.

    Oren will be better than any Chambers Man before. I prayed so fervently this morning with tears in my eyes that he would thirst and long after God in a way more intense than granddad, you, and me. And that God would use him and that he would,more than any thing, strive to be HOLY.

    Glad your my Dad and my son’s Grand Dad.

    Cole

  2. i feel so much beauty from you and what you and written about your growing family. I too feel that i am too often caught up in myself and i long to change in positive ways and share something so beautiful with my children ..i want to learn to focus on the good in people and take that and learn it and use it and share it with others, its coincidental that i have just come across the name oren and i want to name my unborn son , Oren Sage Emory. I been looking to name him after a tree because trees are so tall and soo strong, rooted into the earth , they stand strong day after day for 100’s and 100’s of years, and another reason why i love the name is beause i will pass on to my son something of jewish heritage, which i have in me, with my last name being Greenbaum, which means green tree. Thankyou for writting because you have just changed me in a small but positive way forever….

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