“For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5
We want our eyes opened. We want to know both good and evil. But when we do… we move out of innocence and into a place we were never designed to occupy. I am a man who is obsessed with seeing and knowing things that are God’s and God’s alone to handle.
Read the above verse carefully. It doesn’t say that I will be God, it says I will be like God. As if there were little thrones alongside the big throne upon which I might be able to sit. I am not even satisfied with being simular to God. For there is something twisted, warped and bent in me that wants to BE god. I want to be all-knowing and all-seeing. I want to be god very god. What a beguiling lie we were told.
We hate giving up autonomy…self-rule of our lives. The more insecure you are the more you are driven to control. Traditionally sin is thought to refer to the “bad things a person does” such as stealing, adultery, cussing, gossiping, judging, and such. But as William Temple pointed out, these things are only symptoms of a deeper problem. He says there is only one Sin (capital S), and that is putting ourselves in the center of our lives and other people’s lives where only God should be. Sins with a small “s” are those specific things we do as a result of putting ourselves in the center of our world.
We desperately want to manage other peoples’ impressions of us. The danger here is that we project a false reality and eventually this holographic image flickers and fails under stress or just the persistence of time. We also try to control other people by manipulation, intimidation or withholding affection. Essentially we are playing god with their lives. Another way to play god is to try to control our pain and our problems. When we fail at that, we panic and often resort to medication that can take the form of workaholism, substance abuse, illicit relationships, and fanatical religion to just name a few manifestations.
The only solution to find peace is to recognize our obsession for control and relinquish control to Jesus. So, I pray…
“Who can understand his errors? Cleasne me from secrete faults.” Psalm 19:12
Well that is the only thing that works for me.